"Hell" is really just another word for Shenyang Airport.

And believe me, I know what I'm talking about, having spent all but a few of my waking hours there today. Why did I have to do that? I'm still not sure myself how all of this could have happened in the mad sitcom way that it did, but here's the story anyway.

I had travelled over to see Himself on Monday lunchtime and was set to return this morning, wanting to head straight to work after my return. A brutal wake-up time of 5:25 ensured that I got to the airport just in time for the 7:15 boarding time and 7:45 departure. I'd booked a transit flight with a stopover in Chaoyang City because it was the cheapest available offer and would only take just under 2 hours altogether, so I'd gotten a decent enough deal.

When it was first announced that the flight would be delayed I wasn't too worried- the scheduled 9:40 arrival meant that I would still have plenty of time to get to the office comfortably.

When the delay became an hour long without any updates, however, I began to feel slightly nervous; and by the time I'd been sitting at the gate for two I was calculating a narrow window of making it in for my 12:30 start.

The plane finally took off just before 10, the stop in Chaoyang went more than smoothly, and I was just about to go for a brief snooze before the announced landing in 25 minutes when a new announcement nearly had me fall out of my seat. Due to bad weather at the destination, the plane was unable to land in Beijing and was therefore going to return to Shenyang!

Shenyang? Again?! How was I supposed to kill more time at that lineup of six of the same shops, framed by a nasty cantine and two so-so loos? And how long were we meant to spend there? No answer. Upon touching Liaoning ground again, passengers had to sit in the plane for another 45 minutes, during which I was desperate but unable to contact either Himself or work, because guess whose credit had run out. Wouldn't you know it's me!

When the plane door finally opened, it was 1pm. I rushed out of the security zone and back to check-in to buy a card for a payphone as, since this was another province, I couldn't just top up my mobile there. Bah! Two brief calls and I was back at Gate 3, where there were still no updates and no boarding time. I decided to visit that less-than-appetising cantine for some wufan because full stomachs can wait longer. Carefully listening to all the announcements while eating, I returned to the gate, sure that it couldn't be much longer now, only to realise that I was right, in a fatalistic sort of way. The plane had left without me! To this point I swear that they did not announce this flight the same way they did all the others. I suspect they probably didn't name Beijing but whatever obscure transit stop the flight took this time (I believe I heard the gate guy say something about Tianjing.)

So back to check-in it was, not only to get a new flight sorted but also to locate my bag which I'd checked in. Was it on the plane? Would it be picked up in Beijing? Could it possibly be sent back to Shenyang just as I was on my way to the capital? I could barely think about it, and I didn't. With a calmness that I would never have managed even six months ago and which is clearly the result of having been an eejit in China more than a couple of times before (bank cards is a keyword) I told my problem to a young girl working at the Dongbei Airlines desk and who was to become my hero of the day. Not only did she spend almost 20 minutes on the phone locating my bag for me, after informing me that it was still in Shenyang she also walked me all the way to the other end of the airport to help me get it. I really appreciated her trying to smuggle me onto a plane for nothing but wasn't too peeved when it didn't work- this was the result of my not paying quite enough attention, after all!

460 RMB later I was able to check my lovely pink bag in again and spent the remaining hour and a bit leaving almost half the ticket value in a lovely cafe drinking lovely drinks and browsing the web, which had never had a more therapeutic effect on me.

I thanked God when my new, 5pm flight not only boarded almost on time but also made it to its destination on time, with no diversions, bad weather or other madness. Another 100 RMB and I was back at my street of Zhichun Lu for my quickest Wal-mart visit ever, and I finally stepped into my sweetest of homes at 8:37pm. Yes, I looked at the time.

Wrecked as I am now, I am also relieved that I got home safely in the end and will still be able to get a few hours of shuteye before Le Grande Match tonight.

And, of course, I never made into work. What a pity indeed.

Gut' Nacht!

Nadine

The home of all human suffering, right in the middle of Liaoning Province